Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
