Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
