TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Randomize
