All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Another day, another engagement, another cat
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
