Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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