i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Every concussion has its silver lining
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
