please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Randomize