Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Randomize
