the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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