Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
