My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Randomize
