I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
