He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Why are your pants in the freezer?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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