Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
