if you like me you must not know who I am
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
i need some magic done to my vagina
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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