I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
She told me I should be a condom model.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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