Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
