There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
