I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
