Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
