Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Randomize
