I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
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