just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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