that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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