Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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