I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
