It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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