Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
