oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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