Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
that may or may not have been my penis.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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