even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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