he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
