Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
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