Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
