If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
