Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
