Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
