just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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