I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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