dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
