i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
