She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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