is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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