ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
