Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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