Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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