i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
