Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize