Swine flu is the new snow day.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
