I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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