Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
