First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
