i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Randomize