I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
