Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
