I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
