shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
