i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize