allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
