HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I wish you could order shots online.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
