dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Bring me that man meat
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
