am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize