She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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