Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Randomize
