i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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