New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize