summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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