Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
