i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
