Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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