I'm sorry my penis didn't work
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
