im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
