I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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