I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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