she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
At least life still wants to fuck me.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
