I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
