took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Randomize
