Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
