I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize