I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
