I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
