The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Quick, to the slutcave!
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
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