Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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