just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
