I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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