my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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