Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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