oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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