if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
