I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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