He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
