do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize