hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
NoShamevember. You game?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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