thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
