The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
