At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
