i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
