im about as happy as oj after his trial
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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