Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
So vagazzling was a success
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
