I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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