I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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