i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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