just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
