woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
