She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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