Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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