if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
