You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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