I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
there is puke in my bra ... again
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
