Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
So I just went to clothing optional bar
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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