Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize
