Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
