I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
