I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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