i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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