There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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