people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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